The Alchemy of True Abundance

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A path through the woodsSometimes the path to greater abundance is letting go. Letting go of all the things we think we have to do. Letting go of who we think we have to be. Letting go of “success” and slowing down has opened an interesting door of abundance for me. I was doing a “good” job. An honorable job. I was helping people. It was a very difficult truth for me to come to that it wasn’t fulfilling me anymore. It took me years to admit this to myself. By the time I let the truth sink in, my physical and mental health had suffered so many blows that I had become used to feeling ill. That was a very dangerous place for me to be. It almost killed me. There was nothing “wrong” with my career. My heart was trying to speak to me—to me, about what I needed to do. And I finally listened. The moment I released my career, my heart began to dance with poetry that had only whispered to me for years. I felt reconnected to my wellspring.

The other thing that happened this year is that our friend, Jonathan, moved in with us. I’ve known Jonathan since I was 14 years old, although I only reconnected with him a few years ago. He was trying to find his abundance, too. I understood what was lost in him because it was the same thing that was lost in me. When we lose our connection to money—whether a job or an avocation—it can be devastating. When we lose our connection to needing money to be the source of our abundance, it can be terrifying—at first. But losing the connection to needing money to be the source of our abundance is the magic which opens the door to our abundance.

Jonathan did a very daring thing. He disconnected himself from everything material in his life. He left his home. He left his familiar landscape. He even left all his familiar patterns behind. And I did a daring thing in urging him to do so. I believe so completely in the connection of heart and abundance that I risked everything to prove it. I didn’t move an inch, and he moved three thousand miles, and yet we are both on a journey. We are all on a journey. We needed him as much as he needed us. And the chord of something greater in me began to vibrate. It began to sing. The first thing Jonathan did when he got here was build ramps so that I had more freedom to go outside in my power chair. The first time I went to the bus stop to get Wren by myself, I cried. While he was building physical ramps for me to go outside, we were building emotional ramps for him to go inside—of himself. The alchemy has been stunning for me. So, I started to keep a journal.

At first, the journal was just a bitch about things that were bothering me that I didn’t feel ready to express to anyone else, but as I kept that vein open, bleeding it every day sometimes, it stopped being about the rage of life, and started being my great yawp to the universe that I was finally seeing the abundance that already exists for me.

Yesterday, I decided to post an excerpt from my journal as my Facebook status. I felt the magic weaving as I was writing it. My summer day today was weaving together with a thousand summer yesterdays, and maybe some summer tomorrows. It touched some people enough to want to share it, so I was inspired to write this blog and share it again now.

“I love showing Oregon to Jonathan. To watch him seeing this place for the first time makes me see it all again. The dappled highways flanked by ferny deep forests, the walls of evergreens that greet us as we wind up into mountain’s shadow, the flanking hills of the orchards bearing all their fruits… At home we pick berries and shell peas from the garden, pit entire flats of Hood River cherries, freeze and dry blueberries and cherries for the winter. We grill our dinners and eat cobblers and homemade ice cream. The kids run around in their bathing suits in the long golden evenings while we have our after-dinner cocktails on the deck. I ask my heart never to forget the laughter of the people I love. Or the perfect winking sunsets disappearing behind the trees and into twilights. Or the sight of the puppy’s bounding joys. I am surrounded by love so perfect it stings. And swelters. And dances. And screams. And laughs. Sometimes with me, and sometimes in spite of me…”

Remember that your life is magic. It’s what you were made for. Your life is weaving magic with other people’s magic. Every day. Touch that understanding, and you are touching true abundance. Live that understanding, and you will change your world.

Ahnna Hawkesworth

Ahnna Hawkesworth is passionate about getting as far away from the corporate food monster as possible. She practices, and teaches the art of cooking from scratch. Besides devotedly caring for her home and family, Ahnna writes. Her work can be found on,, as well as here on The Abundant Home.

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